Zandi's musings.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Competitiveness


There is a big difference if you are doing things alone or in the company of others, most people are physically capable of so much more when they have somebody to compare to, especially if that somebody is better than them.

This drive to be better than you fellow man is probably greatly responsible for many of the good and bad things from history. The overwhelming urge to prove yourself in the eyes of others, to beat them and feed your self-esteem.

On the other hand you have people who cave in under this pressure of trying to prove themselves and freeze when in contact with other people, their brain desperately locking up, effectively achieving just the opposite of what it wants, followed by a vicious cycle of self-recriminations and accusations.

It is very hard to ignore the urge to do better when other people are around, and people who fight against it usually overdo it, intentionally being much worse to other people than they are by themselves - this is especially noticable in puberty.

There is also a startling difference if you are in the company of one person who you know well or in the company of many who you do not know, or know only superficially. There are so many masks people have for various configurations of companies and settings that there is no wonder that sometimes the masks collide, leaving one of the two (or three) different beneficiaries of different masks wondering if they really know the person behind the mask, now that they behaved so differently.

The masks are mostly of course used to make an impression on others, to convince them that we really are something (usually something they appreciate) and thus they should value us more. It is really hard to wear your heart on a sleeve, when you have many hearts and many sleeves for many different occasions.

People who are always their true selves are usually hated or ultra-famous, depends on how much nervous energy they have coursing through their asocial minds.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Bohinj 2: The Revenge


I went to Bohinj again, trying out a shortcut I was told about the last time. It proved to be a cut, but it was not much shorter than the original route. I also cycled much harder this time, trying to see how far I can drive myself (it had nothing to do with the fact that I did not go alone this time and that my companion was a better cyclist than I, honestly).

I drove myself right to Bohinj and then, after a brisk swim in the not-so-cold-but-still-cold water, home. It was interesting, cycling with somebody else, it gave me a lot of additional motivation to try harder, as she was better at it than I was. By the end of the tour I just kept repeating 'there ain't no sunshine when it's gone' in my head, I do not know why. Soundlessly repeating the words and cycling and cycling.

After you reach a certain point your mind starts removing unnecessary things from your perception of reality, soon it is only you, the road and the bicycle, nothing else exists, nothing else is important.

The feeling also very quickly disperses and I only have vague memories of it, even though i tried hard to remember it and even wrote it down to aid my memory.

I did not take many pictures as I was pretty zoned out most of the time and the view was already familiar to me.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Empathy


Yesterday I was told by a friend that she does not understand why people cry when their dog dies. This was probably brought on by her low upbringing, common background and the spinach incident (not really but of course I will give her the link). And it got me thinking, again, about why it is so hard to understand and appreciate that other people may have a different set of values and priorities in life.

She was so flabbergasted over her friend's show of tears and emotion because they had to put the dog down, however, when inquired what she would do if her pet hamster croaked, she was shocked and said she would die as well.

It is probably a consequence of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which states that only when a person has things reasonably dealt with in their head they can truly open up to others with no selfish intent.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

don't ask

SMRKELJ SE PO OKNU VLAČI
a kaj je to mar krastači
KI VLAČI SE PO POTOKU
kjer smrkelj bil bi v šoku

KRASTAČA NA OKNO BI SKOCILA
smrklja za pot urno nadleguje
SMRKELJ PA SE BOJI DA GA BO UBILA
in pocasi na soncu se strjuje


KRASTAČA PA SOLZICE PRETAKA
smrkelj pa spolzi v tribune
KRASTAČI PLOSKANJE UGAJA
in kmalu igrajo radosti strune

Arrogance


Interesting how the most arrogant people are usually those that very deep are insecure about their own beliefs, to compensate they try to appear confident and boastful but usually overcompensating they come across as arrogant and stuck up.

you should always be careful when expresing your own belief, especially in contrast to the beliefs of other people, why should your way or your view be the correct ones if there are no facts to prove your point.

This is especially true with religion, as scores of people believe something they know they have no proof of, so they try to force others to believe the same and thus sate their insecurity through the social network joint belief creates.

So next time you are loud about how sure your way and view are correct stop and think about how much that is based on fact and how much of it is due to you trying to convince yourself it is true.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

My bike trip to Dražgoše

This week I decided not to go to Bohinj again and try to actually break through Jelovica and get out on the other side, to Dražgoše. On the map the blue cross shows where I strayed off the last week's path.


I was a bit quicker than last week as I met no people at all and only a few cars passed me, their passengers looking at me with big eyes. Not until I had been lost for two hours I met two loggers who reassured me I was going the right way. I probably did not meet anyone because I started earlier and the weather was uglier, no sun:


There were quite a few puddles - remnants of the last day's rain. I was undeterred as it was actually enjoyable cycling in cooler conditions.

I was soon cycling on hitherto-unexplored stretches of roads getting lost merrily, I had the map with me but it was of no help, soon I stopped consulting it. Then I found the reason why those cars were in such a hurry and why they were looking at me like that: They divined my direction and hurried to build a road for me.


I then jollily breezed down the newly-built road thinking that I will be in Dražgoše in five minutes, then the road (of course) levelled out and started rising again and I was biting the pedals, again. Soon I came to a crossroads and blindly took a right turn since it made the most sense.

Soon the road petered out to a lousy tractor trail, and then to a walking route, but I still broke all speed records on it as:

(bear country)

Then I met the two loggers who assured me I was going the right (even though a bit rough) way.


I also had other forms of help. The kingdom of snaildonia sent its emmisaries who dilligently tried to get run over by me every time I chose the right way. When I once chose the wrong one, there were no snails on it.

It is interesting what a tired mind will come up with, and how such coincidences can be tied into an elaborate explanation of reality which is favourable - or unfavourable - to us, I was content to not stamp such thoughts and tried to observe and nurture them and they are quite a good explanation for the birth of religion.

Then I managed to get onto another more travelled road and I was breezing down hill when it, yet again, started rising again and I had to overcome what I felt must be the last hurdle before a straight downhill run home. I then found an actual paved road and I was very happy since I would not be eaten by bears or kidnapped by fanatical snails. The valley opened ahead of me, and even though I had no idea which valley it was or where the hell I was I still took it as a good sign.



I also found Bičkova Skala rock, Biček was some partisan rambo dude who was probably compensating for his unfortunate name.

Then it was just a matter of following the yellow brick (err, I mean paved) road and paying attention to road signs, then the road started rising, again (for the last time fortunately) and I sold my soul to Stan and Steve (delirium is fun) three times over before I finally managed to get on Jamnik.


The downhill run to Kropa was fairly uneventful, I did meet a few cyclists going uphill and I greeted them all very cheerfully.


And I managed to get home with no problems,
kilometers done: 50, soul sold: 3 times, lost for: 2 hours.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Patterns


It is amusing how people accuse history of repeating itself while all the while we are repeating ourselves as well.

This year I, again, spent too much time in the sun, thinking 'oh I won't get burnt this year' and now, bathed in cream and pain I am smirking to myself knowing that in all probability I will do the same thing next year, so much about once bitten/burnt/scratched/annoyed twice shy (or as Bush would say it: "There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says, fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me you can't get fooled again." http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushism-foolme.htm - SS do not kill me please, thanks).

Anyway this repetition of patterns is omnipresent as it makes our lives much easier and more efficient, just repeating tasks we do every day. Even the days are cyclical, and the months. We are comfortably following the same route in circles, hopefully in a spiral, so that each time we are a little bit better off than before.

However, some people are on a spiral to destruction, or they are following it unhappily, not even realizing that they are not happy because of what THEY do and think, and not because the world is not suited to their needs.

A diary or even just noting down what you do and what makes you unhappy should make you realize how some things are cyclical in your life. For example, how every day someone is unhappy in the morning because they have to wait in line in mcdonalds to get your breakfa(s)t, and yet they keep doing it, "Because I have always done it" is just as popular as "Because my parents did it/told me to do it".

Another problem arises that people read books, watch television and play games ([especially social] games are an essential learning tool) to learn these patterns and are then shocked when they use "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN" in an argument with their loved ones and are then mortally insulted when the only response is ??? Of course phrases such as MY LIFE IS EMPTY WITHOUT YOU sound nice on paper and maybe even on TV but when said in reality it just signifies RUN AWAY, CLINGY OBSESSIVE PERSON AHEAD.

So maybe it is time for us to find new patterns of acting, preferably ones that we have tested ourselves and not just repeat what we see on TV, monkeys can repeat too and it does not make them one bit happier than us (bananas do).

Sunday, July 02, 2006

My bike trip to Bohinj

started off rather well, I managed not to get run over by any stray cars while crossing the road and I started the climb uphill to Talež, where the worst should have been over (that is what I get for not being able to read the maps).


(green marks the way back)


30 minutes into the trip (a whooping 3 km and around a 300 m vertical rise) I met a friendly man who was picking wild strawberries and I chatted with him as an excuse to rest for a bit, and then off I went again, spending another 40 minutes for the next 3 kilometers (another 400 m rise), before meeting another excuse for a chat, a guy who was going to cut some shrubbery on his land or something, it turns out he knew my late grandmother, small world.


After cycling for another 10 minutes I met the strawberry guy again (no I was not that slow, they had a car), now together with his wife, and we chatted some more. Off I went and soon came to Goška planina, where I met some more people and asked them if I was going the right way and we chatted for a bit (who would have guessed). I really did not expect to meet so many people, it was good because it was harder for me to get lost, and both times I did I was lucky enough to meet people within a minute or so of taking the wrong turn who set me back on the right path. On the other hand it is a bit unsettling to get in the groove of things and let go of your imagination when you are met with a hearthy hello.


The road was mostly surrounded by trees, but there were a few places with a really nice view, I also tried my hand at taking pictures while cycling, but it did not work so well in the forest because things were too close and the road was too bumpy.


It was surprising that the first 6 or so kilometers tired me out the most, then I broke through the tiredness barrier (there is probably a more fancy name for it) and just kept going and going and going, thinking random thoughts, kind of disassociated from the body, but I felt really good.


This enabled me to delve into the age old questions that pester mankind, 'where am I?', 'where am I going?'. I already knew the answer to the second question (to Bohinj), but it only caused another to arise, 'which turn should I take, oh my god are there any bears here?'.


I met only one cyclist who assured me that I am on the right track and that there is not much more climbing to do, after being emboldened by this, I continued a bit more energetically and soon the road leveled and then slowly started descending.


I met some Slovakian or Czech tourists happily ambling around the road looking for Pogačnikov dom, but I had never even heard of it before so I could not help them. I also passed a bunch of scouts and soldiers having some sort of competition.



(Luckily I met no cows)

Seeing the valley opening up ahead of me really filled me with joy, as I knew that I will not be eaten by stray sheep or bears and that I did not have much more to go. It was similar to when we used to go to the seaside, before the highway was constructed, and after seating for 4 hours in the sun in a car you finally caught a glimpse of the sea you were ecstatic (and similarly, then realization dawned that it will still take at least half of that to actually get to the sea).




The road became pretty steep and I was whizzing down enjoying the breeze and not moving a muscle except for braking.


I sped through Bohinjska Bistrica, barely under the speed limit, knowing that Bohinj is not far away, stopping only to ask for directions, forsaking the chat this time, I continued on my way.


Hoorah! Clouds gathered to say hello to me, and I did not spend much time in Bohinj before rain drove me away.



I weathered the most of the storm under a shed it did not last long so I soon continued back home, this time I stuck to the main road since it had no hills to climb.


The journey back was pretty uneventful and I was not run over by a car (despite all the prophecies I have heard).


Taking pictures while cycling worked out much better this time.


For the end I managed to almost get lost but luckily Sava Bohinjka was close and I just followed it downstream.


Here is the hero of the day.


Altogether I did about 90 kilometers. And it took me around 6 hours. Next time it should be around 4, if I meet no people and I do not get lost on the shortcuts they told me about.

p.s.: clicking on a picture makes it larger, if you want to have an even larger picture msg me and I will send it to you.