Cookie monster
CRUNCH
CRUNCH
Huh, what was that?
CRUNCHCRUNCH
TAP TAP TAP TAP
CREEEAAAAAAAAK
Perturbed, I got up and turned on the light. What manner of creature exists which could make noises unto the world such as these were.
I debated opening the door and looking out into the darkness without but my wiser side prevailed over my braver side (it was a hopeless skirmish) and I sink back beneath the covers and return to the innocence of sleep.
Next morning, chasing away the mists of dreams I came upon a most terrible crime. The monster had violated my sanctuary and ravaged the cookie tin my grandmother had baked for me, knowing how much I love to nibble and nibble them.
After lengthy deliberation I put the cookies in the freezer – they were baked with grandmother's love so the cold would not harm them – and hoped the monster would not discover my ruse.
After a great day of pondering problems I again sank into the depths of slumber to await the visit of my dear friend ID.
NIBBLENIBBLENIBBLENIBBLE
Huh? ‘Oh no, not again,’ I sighed.
TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
CREEEAAAAAAAAK
Encouraged by my rage into a rash act of boldness I threw open the door and turned on the light. An open freezer screamed its silent curses at me, for it perceived the violation as my fault, and guilty I was, as I had put the cookies within it, the cookies now eaten and scattered in the freezer.
There was only one course of action left to me. After several hours of frightened dozing I shambled out like vengeance given flesh and purchased rat poison at the nearest shop. ‘Let us see how the monster likes the taste of poison with my cookies,’ I brooded, walking home with anger in my heart and fire in my eyes.
After setting the cunning trap I retreated into my room and threw myself into the arms of sleep, knowing that justice is on my side.
CRUNCH CRUNCH
BLAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAARH
CRASH
And silence. I got up with a smile on my face. I have faced the heart of darkness and have come away victorious. I threw open the door and flicked the switch, knowing that evil hath no power over me and my cookies anymore.
But the wickedness of evil had struck again! There lay my dear roommate, who was a bit simple, usually not understanding my words of wisdom I disseminated like pearls to swans. He was foaming at the mouth, holding the cookies the monster must have forced down his throat. Poor naive boy, I will miss him so.
Does anyone know where I would go about procuring an oversize mouse trap?
posted by Zandi @ 7:36 PM
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